Remembering my Postpartum Baby Blues

Now that I'm pregnant with my second baby, I know one definite thing that I don't want to have to go through again and that's postpartum baby blues. It was like PMS magnified ten times and completely unstoppable. When I hear of another mom going through postpartum baby blues I really symphathize with her because I went through it myself and it's very hard to accurately describe it unless you've experienced it.

Everything was Going Fine...

After a harrowing 14 hours of labor, going through the Lamaze Method, getting induced contractions, begging for an epidural after 12 hours of labor and then finally going under the knife for an emergency Caesarian section, my childbirth experience was far from a walk in the park. However, despite all the upheaval and first-time apprehensions, I made it through to the end. I remember the magical moment when my OB Gyne introduced me to my newborn son and I whispered his name and cried. I was raring to go. After getting knocked out with the anaesthesia, I woke up looking for my son. I insisted on visiting the nursery despite everyone's attempt to keep me bedridden (and recovering). I wanted to bond with my son as soon as possible and nothing would stop me.

Those first few days in the hospital were wonderful. Even if the pain from my wound was killing me, I just couldn't help staring at my son. I promised him that I would be the best mom ever. Now, that was in the beginning. Then my postpartum blues kicked in...

The Ultimate Drama Queen for a Month and a Half

When I finally got home with my bundle of joy, reality kicked in. Since I never attended breastfeeding class, I was having all sorts of breastfeeding problems (sore, bleeding nipples and anxiety attacks over whether my son was getting enough milk). To top it all off, with my husband's paternity leave all used up,  I was alone at home, recovering from a CS wound. I didn't have a close relative beside me, making sure I was okay. I didn't have a yaya yet (one of those things I knew I should have done before giving birth but just didn't have time to do).

In short, I was a disaster waiting to happen. I started feeling my postpartum blues kick in when I felt bad over my inability to produce my mature breastfeeding milk right away (apparently, this is a side effect of a Caesarian section). And when my milk did come in, I had no idea how to properly latch and position my baby. Given this, I suffered through painful breastfeeding sessions, crying my eyes out and then hating myself for wanting to give up.

Read the rest of my blog at SmartParenting.com.ph.

Image from Flickr.com/roblee.