My Son Sings "Let It Go"

Elsa belting it out

Yes, my son sings "Let It Go" from the movie Frozen at the top of his voice. He's had a moment where he sings, "A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen...heehee...king." He's tried the "boy version" but most of the time he lapses into the queen part and "be the good girl you always have to be." And you know what? It doesn't bother me at all. I just let him be.

There was a time that well-meaning friends would comment about him playing with his sister's Barbie dolls. "Hinuhubaran naman niya at hindi binibihisan?" (He takes off their clothes and he doesn't put them on, right?). Hmmmm. So, a male's role is to undress a female? Pretty narrow, right? But I let him be. He likes role playing too and turning everything into a gun or weapons or stuff that blasts into the air. I am assured that he's very male because of this tendency. The thing is, it bothers me because I don't like the idea of war and violence. But I let him be. He doesn't really know yet the concept of war and the pain of war and violence. To him it's a game. It's an adventure. It has nothing to do yet about death and pain. But there will be a time when we will talk about it. I still have to think through this whole gender thing. I'd rather he sing "Let It Go" than pretend that everything is a gun. But I let him be.

Just last year there was a whole to-do in the news about "discouraging early tendencies of homesexuality" in a parenting article. The thing is...with all that I've learned so far about homesexuality (you're born with it...it's not a choice you make) and my own good friends who are homosexual...I don't have a problem with it at all. I don't care. I love my son. Just the way he is. And I love learning more and more about him and his complex mind. There's more to him than his sexual orientation. He is a wonderful human being.

So, after a bout of singing, I did an interview.

Me: Why do you like "Let It Go?"
B: I like shouting the song.
Me: What do you mean by "shouting the song?"
B: I'm happy when I sing it.
Me: Oh. How do you think Elsa feels when she's singing it?
B: She's happy because she's free. She can make her own castle. She can even make her own bodyguard!
Me: Is that how you feel when you sing the song?
B: Yes! That's how I feel.
Me: Why does it have to be loud?
B: Because that's how it is.
Me: What do you mean by that?
B: Because it makes me feel that I'm singing to God.
Me: So, singing to God has to be loud?
B: Sometimes I sing it medium. And the rest, I sing it loud, with a strong heart.

I really do learn a lot from my son. And I love this particular Disney movie. There's a whole other article that talks about the merits of this animated film, especially for daughters. But you know what? It was great for my son. It has bent the gender stereotype. For my son, Elsa is a hero...regardless of whether she's a girl or a boy. She's free. And that's something that he sees is worth being. Free and happy. Having a strong heart is not a gender territory. It's for everyone. That's just amazing! We're not even talking about true love yet...true love being defined as a selfless act for another.

He loves the song so much that he wants to learn the song on violin (violin lessons was one of the things he asked for...totally not forced on him). I'm glad we homeschool him. Imagine how other boys would treat him in an all-boy's school if he suddenly belted out "Let It Go?" Maybe he wouldn't even dream of singing it aloud. I love my son's heart and how he sees the world. I wish I could be more like him. :-)

Catching My Kids Doing Something Good

by Justine Camacho-Tajonera

It's been a while since I've written on this blog. But today, I have something to celebrate. I caught my eldest son, Badger, doing an act of kindness for his sister without being prompted last Sunday. Clea has new shoes and they require socks, you see. She was excited to put them on. I noticed that she was going around with her socks in her hands while everyone else was busy preparing to go on our swimming trip to Mamplasan, Laguna. Then, I saw Badger approach Clea. He asked her to sit down on the floor and he started putting her feet into her socks. When yaya noticed that they were having a bit of a problem, she told him to transfer Clea to a bench so he could have an easier time with putting on her socks and shoes. They transferred. Both of them were very quiet while this was going on. It was a wonderful moment for me. I snapped a photo right away.

Parenting can be so bewildering sometimes. I don't know if I'm doing it right most of the time. When I say, "Don't..." I catch myself and beat myself up over being negative. When I comfort my kids when they're crying I wonder if I'm babying them or just being a mom.

But last Sunday, I was fully aware that I was getting a glimpse of how parents feel when they see their kids do something good. I didn't say anything. I didn't ask him to do it. And yet, there he was helping his sister. My cup runneth over! I was overjoyed.

After he finished helping Clea, I called Badger over. "Badger, I just want to acknowledge what you did for your sister. No one asked you to do it. But you did it, anyway. That's being a kuya. I'm very proud of you." He smiled shyly and I hugged him and kissed him.

I recalled all the times that I would ask him to do things or not do things at the top of my voice. I recalled all the times I talked about obedience. These acts of kindness are blessings. They come unbidden but I know it is the fruit of kindness as well. Every time I am harsh and unthinking, I diminish that kindness. Every time I do what is more difficult: being firm without raising my voice, I know those are avenues for my kids to learn from me.

And now...I know that I have one more way of reinforcing great behavior in my kids: that's the task of catching them do something good. More often, I catch them doing something they're not supposed to do. That's where all the noes come from. But I know now that it's more important to catch them doing something great, like being of service to others or saying a kind word to another kid.

I say "catch" because those moments can be so fleeting. Don't wait another second. Kids grow up so fast. Catch it, acknowledge it and treasure it.

New Moon and Melodramatic Daughters: The Twilight Saga from a Parent's Point of View

By Justine C. Tajonera

I joined giddy tweeners and teenagers last Friday, lining up to watch the movie, New Moon. Like a lot of them, I also read the books. In fact, I have my own team: Team Edward. I've heard others have switched to Team Jacob because of Taylor Lautner's hot bod which deserves its own credit. I enjoyed the whole saccharine bit of the movie, not caring what the critics say.

Actually, I had a weird sensation of seeing myself enjoy the movie both as the young girl that I was and as the parent that I now am. You see, I was a melodramatic daughter. I loved drama. When I fell in love, I fell in love really hard. I actually remember being Bella: all earnest heartache, all reckless emotion. I was the kind of daughter who rebelled over love (or what my parents must have called "puppy love"). It sounds funny now. But it wasn't funny then. Nope. It meant the world to me.

So, I actually invite parents who are skeptical over the books and the movie to consider entering their daughter's world. You have no idea what might be going on. Any kind of emotion that your child is going through is serious business for her. Consider that she puts her whole heart into something. But what does she know, right? She doesn't know what the world's like. She has no idea that what she's feeling is just infatuation or the pale shadow of what we know is real love. But she doesn't know that.

The books and the movie are popular. That can't be denied. Is it good for your kids? You might disagree. But what you can do is enter your daughter's world. You might have the best of intentions. You might be protecting her for her own good. But you need to see it from her side, too.

I also saw myself as either Edward's or Jacob's mom. Actually, as early as now, I worry over what kind of gentleman my son turns out to be. Even at almost three years old, he is as Bella called Jacob, beautiful. When he grows up, he will break a few hearts just by walking down the street. Because I've been Bella, I worry over the girls who will love him. It's a happy problem, really, because my son is the sweetest thing. I want to raise a boy who will know how to love and respect women. I want to raise a boy who will love with all his heart and treat girls graciously: the pretty ones, the plain ones, the ones who are audacious and the ones who are shy, the reserved ones and the melodramatic ones.

So, while you might think New Moon is all hype and Dear Diary trash, please be curious and take the time to watch it. If only only to enter the world of your children and see what's going on: their earnest yearnings, their repressions, their ideas about love, their heartbreaking choices, their funny questions, their weird logic.


(Nov. 21, 2009)