Raising Badger & Clea

Our Hunt for a Play School for Badger

2010-08-17T18:45:00.001+08:00

by Justine C. Tajonera

Recently, Vier and I decided that it was time to find a play school for Badger. We had done our best with our attempt at home school. However, I really feel that home school needs a mom's touch. While Vier has argued that he is all for unschooling, I still feel that a child's progress needs to be closely monitored and nurtured. If we aren't going to give him the quality time of 3 to 4 hours of learning in a day (not restricted to just the house but outside, in the open, or in a park or learning environment) then we might as well enroll him in a play school.

Lots of Choices

I was surprised that we actually have a lot of choices in our area (Ortigas Center, Pasig City), all of them walking distance from our condo. We reviewed them and they've been a mix of the progressive and traditional (more for the K2 classes) approaches. The great thing is they all offer trial classes so Badger has been having a blast. I didn't expect him to enjoy it so much.

Saying Goodbye Wasn't Hard

During one of the trial classes, we brought him into the classroom and watched him start to warm up to the other kids during their "free play time" session. He was starting to have so much fun that he didn't mind mommy and daddy saying goodbye at all. He just walked up to us and kissed us and said "Bye, Mommy, Bye Daddy!" What a miracle! No separation anxiety, no clinging, no crying. I was actually very proud of him. And while I had a twinge in my heart at saying goodbye, it wasn't so bad because I knew he was enjoying himself so much. Over the weekend, when we passed by one of the schools, he pointed at the building and said, "I want to go to school!" I had to explain to him that it was the weekend and that he could go to school on Monday.

More Verbal Interaction

Ever since he started his trial classes, I've also noticed that he's more verbal in his interactions. He used to refer to himself in the third person all the time but now I hear him say stuff like "I want water" or "I want Fita" more often. Yay! Apart from this, I hear him signify his curiosity too. "Daddy, what is this?" I heard him ask Vier the other night. He kept asking Vier to explain what different things were. It's amazing how quickly he's adapted to school. Because he was home schooled for a while, the teachers have told us that Badger is a bit advanced in some things like the alphabet, identifying letters, words, numbers and colors. However, I think the biggest plus has been his exposure to more and more play mates.

The Matter of Cost and Quality

The only thing that Vier and I have to decide on now is the balance between cost and quality. Badger has equally enjoyed his classes in the two schools that he's attended. We're just waiting for the other school to show us the prorated payments for enrolling Badger halfway through the school year. For me and Vier, it's not about the facilities or even how impressive the curriculum looks but rather the environment of learning and fun. As long as Badger is happy to play and explore, we know that he is definitely learning.

We're looking forward to one more trial period with a third school and then he'll start actual classes by September or October. With a new baby coming by November, hopefully, play school will give Badger a familiar haven outside of the changes at home. It's been an adventure, so far, for the three of us and I'm looking forward to more fun and learning in the coming months.

Why We Love Our Baby Sling or Why We Never Bought a Stroller

2010-06-11T18:09:00.001+08:00

by Justine Camacho-Tajonera

When we were still taking our childbirth class, my husband, Vier, and I got introduced to something called a baby sling. I had my doubts but Vier instantly fell in love with it. We also got introduced to a concept called attachment parenting, a term coined by one of its main proponents, Dr. William Sears and his wife, Martha Sears. We both thoroughly support the movement and we've become advocates of breastfeeding as well, the natural result of attachment parenting.

Why a Sling?

My dad was puzzled over our decision to buy a baby sling. While the version we got was a little pricier than others in the market (it was made from a breathable Guatemalan fabric and supported by two heavy duty stainless steel rings), he couldn't fathom how this sling could possibly take the place of a baby stroller.

At the time, I told my husband that we could always try out the sling first and if we felt that we needed to augment with a baby stroller, we could always add a baby stroller to our endless list of things to buy for our new baby.

Surprise, surprise. Even after six months, we still didn't see the need for a baby stroller. We were still happily using our baby sling. It turns out that we never needed the stroller after all. While I never got to use it fully because of my right-left confusion, Vier was a pro. We would take the sling wherever we went and Vier would proudly wear our son, Badger, in the sling.

Read the rest of the blog at SmartParenting.com.ph.

Image of Guatemalan baby in sling from Flickr.com/wmacphail.

Remembering my Postpartum Baby Blues

2010-06-09T10:30:00.000+08:00

Now that I'm pregnant with my second baby, I know one definite thing that I don't want to have to go through again and that's postpartum baby blues. It was like PMS magnified ten times and completely unstoppable. When I hear of another mom going through postpartum baby blues I really symphathize with her because I went through it myself and it's very hard to accurately describe it unless you've experienced it.

Everything was Going Fine...

After a harrowing 14 hours of labor, going through the Lamaze Method, getting induced contractions, begging for an epidural after 12 hours of labor and then finally going under the knife for an emergency Caesarian section, my childbirth experience was far from a walk in the park. However, despite all the upheaval and first-time apprehensions, I made it through to the end. I remember the magical moment when my OB Gyne introduced me to my newborn son and I whispered his name and cried. I was raring to go. After getting knocked out with the anaesthesia, I woke up looking for my son. I insisted on visiting the nursery despite everyone's attempt to keep me bedridden (and recovering). I wanted to bond with my son as soon as possible and nothing would stop me.

Those first few days in the hospital were wonderful. Even if the pain from my wound was killing me, I just couldn't help staring at my son. I promised him that I would be the best mom ever. Now, that was in the beginning. Then my postpartum blues kicked in...

The Ultimate Drama Queen for a Month and a Half

When I finally got home with my bundle of joy, reality kicked in. Since I never attended breastfeeding class, I was having all sorts of breastfeeding problems (sore, bleeding nipples and anxiety attacks over whether my son was getting enough milk). To top it all off, with my husband's paternity leave all used up, I was alone at home, recovering from a CS wound. I didn't have a close relative beside me, making sure I was okay. I didn't have a yaya yet (one of those things I knew I should have done before giving birth but just didn't have time to do).

In short, I was a disaster waiting to happen. I started feeling my postpartum blues kick in when I felt bad over my inability to produce my mature breastfeeding milk right away (apparently, this is a side effect of a Caesarian section). And when my milk did come in, I had no idea how to properly latch and position my baby. Given this, I suffered through painful breastfeeding sessions, crying my eyes out and then hating myself for wanting to give up.

Read the rest of my blog at SmartParenting.com.ph.

Image from Flickr.com/roblee.

Beginning All Over Again: A Second Pregnancy

2010-06-09T10:26:00.000+08:00

The problem with getting pregnant only when you hit thirty is having a five-year window to get pregnant again without complications. That was why I really wanted to get pregnant last year. However, it wasn't time. This year, I'm finally pregnant again and I'm seeing a lot of differences between my first pregnancy and my second pregnancy.

Pregnancy Changes You Forever, Physically

One of the things that forever changed for me after my first pregnancy was my eyesight. I used to see just fine. However, after I gave birth I needed glasses. My nearsightedness kicked in. I realized that it's the kind of thing that's irreversible. I'll have to live with it and do some maintenance measures but the reality is: my body is very much different from the way it was when I was single.

Given that my eyesight changed drastically after giving birth, I think of what will change after I give birth the second time around. I'm expecting a heavier toll. However, knowing what I know, I think I can better prepare myself as well. I'm trying to eat healthier and taking supplements to make up for my nutrition deficiencies. I'm guarding against possible gestational diabetes as well because diabetes runs in my family.

There's an excellent book that talks about what happens after birth and the toll it takes on your body: Life After Birth by Kate Figes with Jean Zimmerman. The book gives you a clear picture of what happens after birth not just a fuzzy, warm account of being a mom. It's realistic without being pessimistic.

Read the rest of my blog at SmartParenting.com.ph.

Image from Flickr.com/mahalie.

Badger, Chess Titans and the Game of Life

2010-03-23T20:47:00.001+08:00

by Justine C. Tajonera

Badger just discovered chess! I'm not saying he's excelling in it (or even aware of strategies and mechanics) but what I did observe was how he treated it as any other kind of game that needs to be learned. He engages in it with gusto and fearlessness.

I happened to see him open an application on our desktop. I was used to seeing him play with Purble Place, a staple favorite of his on our computer. But I was surprised to see him open Chess Titans this time. I just sat back and observed him. He immediately started moving his pawns with impunity. He had no regard to the reaction of the black pieces he was playing against. He just wanted to move those pawns!

And this is what really struck me: he had no fear of losing his king. He just kept moving the pieces like they were equal. He would evaluate based on what options each piece had (the computer lit up potential paths each piece could take) and he gave equal opportunity to each piece. What interested him was the action going on (and the counter action).

I couldn't help but squeal whenever any of his major pieces got "eaten." "Badger!," I would exclaim, "watch out for your king! Yan kainin mo yan (there, eat that piece)!" I was the one who got all agitated. I infected him with my enthusiasm because he started asking me if we wanted to eat other pieces ("Kain?" he would ask, pointing to an option lit up on the screen).

I remembered my own history of chess playing. My brother, Gus, and I played the game. He kept beating me at it (he had a strategy book, by the way). But I beat him once. After that, I never played again. I quit while I was ahead!

I realize that sometimes that's how I play life as well. I think I don't have second chances and I keep trying to get it right all the time. Badger inadvertently showed me an exciting game: kings that move boldly and the willingness to always play a new game.

March 23, 2010
Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/84224918@N00/3147507096

How Potty Training Snuck Up On Me

2010-02-11T19:41:00.000+08:00

by Justine C. Tajonera

I was getting worried about Badger getting potty trained. We tried different methods:

Not putting his diapers on
Getting him used to the toilet (letting him flush the toilet, letting him get familiar with peeing and pooping in the toilet)
Letting him use lampin diapers so he realizes that he's wet

All to no avail.We had several disastrous accidents involving pee and poop. I threw in the towel and we went back to disposable diapers.

Then one magical day (just a week ago), Badger tells me, "Mommy, wee wee!" And this time, he wasn't referring to pee on the floor. He actually looked uncomfortable holding it in. And he was in diapers! So, we both hurried to the toilet and he peed into the toilet. He did this several times in the day.

All About Patience
I was completely amazed. Just when I stopped trying, he picked it up. When they say, "wait until your child is ready," I didn't completely trust the statement. I mean, how is he supposed to learn how to go to the potty if you don't teach him, right? But what I didn't get was the very gradual process. All your efforts don't go to waste but it takes a while and it takes some getting used to.

I guess what I learned here was to let go of the stress but not to let go of the opportunities to keep teaching him and guiding him. It's all about patience!

(Feb. 11, 2010)
Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/46511298@N00/2169714873

Badger Loves Jazz: Reading (and Listening) to Duck Ellington and Ella Elephant

2010-01-13T14:54:00.000+08:00

By Justine C. Tajonera

I had a lot of fun last night, playing the CDs of Ella Elephant Scats Like That and Duck Ellington Swings through the Zoo and reading the books to Badger. They were great learning tools, just like Charlie Bird Counts to the Beat, and a great way to help Badger learn how to read.

The Ella Elephant book was cute because I could lead Badger through some nonsense words and just focus on the sounds that they made. I pointed out the letters and their sounds and how it would all sound if we put them together (sound recognition). Plus, Badger got to listen to Ella Elephant make the scat sounds and relate them to musical instruments.

Duck Ellington was also really cute because I realized that Badger recognized some of the animals from Charlie Bird Counts to the Beat like the turtles and the seals! And Vier and I just enjoyed the swing sound.

I guess it made an impression with Badge because before I left for work, he wanted me to read Ella Elephant to him first. I hope Badger will have a genuine love for reading books.

(Jan. 13, 2010)

Badger Makes Animal Sounds

2010-01-07T15:42:00.001+08:00

Watch this video first.

By Justine C. Tajonera

We really love playing this game with Badger: what sound does this animal make? It engages him in learning what animal is what (based on their images), what sounds they make, what nursery rhymes have these animals and what the first letter of the animal word is.

It's a lot of fun and it's a great way of teaching him and figuring out how he interprets things. We especially love his "meow!" because we know that he observes the cats in my Dad's house and he really gets into the role play of being a cat!

Playing the game of making animal sounds:

Helps Badger identify animal images (he has to know what the animal is before he can make the sound).
Helps him role play
Makes it easier for him to identify the letters in the animal names
Engages him in different aspects of learning about animals
Expands his vocabulary and makes him curious about other animals and animal sounds

Badger Learns to Swim

2009-12-28T18:21:00.000+08:00

By Justine C. Tajonera

Miraculously I watched my son swimming. My mouth was agape and I was speechless for about two minutes. This was all thanks to my husband.

It started with a near accident. Now that we've relocated to a condo with access to an indoor pool, we've been taking daily dips. On one occasion I was happily floating and didn't notice that my husband was doing a lap, leaving Badger standing at the edge of the pool. Vier later explained that he was confident Badger wouldn't do anything on his own because he knew how deep the water was. Contrary to this assumption, Badger thought I would catch him and jumped into the pool. Vier noticed this but he was at the other end of the pool. He never swam faster!

This was when he noticed that Badger didn't go under. He was kicking and flailing his arms for dear life, managing to keep his head above the water until Vier rushed to his rescue. Vier decided that Badger was ready to swim.

The next time we went swimming, Vier told Badger to swim to mommy. I was skeptical. But swim he did. He was able to cross three feet to me! I was amazed. He was crying by the time he reached me but he did it all on his own. I scolded Vier for possibly traumatizing him but Vier insisted that, with time, Badger would get used to it without all my "babying."

We've modified the activity by having him bring his toys (around 5 to 6 interlocking blocks) to the pool. I let the toys float a little farther away from him and he's motivated to swim and "rescue" his toys. It's absolutely amazing! It's like watching him take his first steps. He has good form: kicking feet, scooping arms (to get him to his destination). Not a breast stroke yet but on the way! He wasn't just dog paddling in place. He was swimming! And once he assembled his toys, he lost no time in getting absorbed in his imaginative play: transformers at sea or speed boats racing.

I guess when he gets older my joke to him will be: You learned to swim before you learned to go to the toilet! Haha! An athlete in the making.

Next challenge? Potty training!

(Dec. 28, 2009)

Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/brianauer/2599299352/

Getting Badger To Brush His Teeth: The Art Of Diversion

2009-12-16T09:36:00.001+08:00

By Justine C. Tajonera

Vier and I bought this audio book, Talking To Toddlers, and we learned a lot from it but I had some difficulty putting it into practice, at first, because I was so used to dealing with Badger in a fixed sort of way. However, one night, one of the lessons on diversion really kicked in.

The Dreaded Temper Tantrum
Badger and I had our usual fight over brushing his teeth. I was pretty tense because Vier is usually the one who brushes Badger's teeth. However, that night, it was up to me. I tried cajoling him. I tried giving him options (do you want to brush with your yellow toothbrush or your Ironman toothbrush?), I tried getting mad but nothing worked. He ended up screaming at the top of his lungs (with the vein on his neck popping out). I was about to give up. He was already crying, which I really hate because I start getting soft on him when I see those big tears rolling down his cheeks.

Mommy's Best Actress Skills
And then the idea hit me. Why not use the lesson on diversion? In the audio lesson, it was explained that sometimes logic really won't work with young kids. So, the best thing you can do is divert them so that they don't focus on what they don't like. So, with all my "best actress" skills I exclaimed: "Oh my goodness! Badger! Are those ants in your mouth?" He stopped crying and looked positively shocked. He's scared of cockroaches. And now, ants, after one of them bit him."I think I see ants!" I went on. "Open your mouth wide so that Mommy can check." Immediately, he opened his mouth for inspection. "Ay naku," I said, shaking my head, "looks like there are cockroaches and ants in there.Tsk tsk! We have to take them out."

Finally, Cooperation
By this time, Badger was getting cooperative. "Take out ants," he demanded. "Okay, Mommy needs to brush your teeth to get the ants out, okay?" He nodded and opened his mouth wide. And that was the end of my ordeal. I made a big deal about how we were getting rid of all the ants in his mouth and he was happy to have them out of his mouth. In a way, brushing his teeth really is a way of getting rid of "bugs" and cavity-building plaque from his mouth. So, not only did he get to brush his teeth, we had fun doing it.

The Art Of Diversion In The Grocery
The art of diversion is fascinating. One other miraculous way it helped was when Badger had a temper tantrum in the grocery (the thing that parents absolutely hate). This time, it was Vier who took the lead. Badger insisted on getting a ball from the toy section and we really didn't have time for it. So, Badger started bawling and pulling us back towards the toy section. Vier then asked him, "Do you like that ball?" When Badger said yes, Vier kept asking him to describe the ball (like what color was it?, etc.) and engaged him in a conversation about the ball. By the time we were in another section of the grocery, they were busy exclaiming over blue colored cans (because Badger likes the color blue) and we were off the topic of the ball already. Thank goodness!

(Dec. 16, 2009)

Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/aliedwards/522650932/

Badger's Ta-dah! and The Amazing Feat Of Self-Praise

2009-12-14T12:21:00.002+08:00

By Justine C. Tajonera

I was so surprised to hear Badger exclaim, "ta-dah!" by himself, one day. Upon further investigation, I found out that he had lined up his cars neatly and had counted them successfully up to six. So it went like: "One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ta-dah!" It was such a cute moment and so heartwarming to see him so proud of his own accomplishment.

Because of this behavior, I became interested in self-praise. I got to read an article by Michael Grose, a parenting educator and parent coach, on the impact of praise and found out that praise can be really great for a child's self-esteem. But, given all the hype about the wrong kind of praise, I was careful about what I read online. Looks like the article was spot-on, with emphasis on giving descriptive (or specific) praise, summary (or label) praise and encouraging self-praise.

Another article by Robert Hughes, Jr.,talks about how self-praise is very different from bragging. Bragging puts other kids or play mates down while self-praise is very specific to one's own behavior and how it has improved. It's one way your child can acknowledge that he is proud of himself (at no one's expense).

Self-praise doesn't happen in a vacuum. Kids learn to praise themselves because their parents are also very encouraging. I'm happy that Badger is starting early.

(Dec. 14, 2009)

Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/85278812@N00/3232401919

Free Play And My Transportation Obsessed Son

2009-12-07T19:59:00.001+08:00

by Justine C. Tajonera

My son absolutely adores cars. He lines up his dad's Ferrari cars on the floor every night and counts them. Whenever he's riding the car with us he identifies all kinds of transportation on the road: car! motorcycle (pronounced motowsayel)! truck! taxi!

Once, while he was playing with his cars, he "borrowed" my USB with a wire and used it to put gas into each car. How ingenious was that?

Recently, I taught him that the traffic lights mean something: green means go and red means stop. So, every time we are at a stop light, our irrepressible son screams: GREEN MEANS GO! or RED MEANS STOP! It's hilarious!

It's amazing how our kids really have minds of their own. I really don't have any particular fascination for cars: they're pretty utilitarian for me. Vier likes cars but not really that much. A strange confluence of events (Vier's recent collection of Ferraris due to the Shell promo and our recent decision to acquire a motorcycle (to save gas) resulted in our son being obsessed over all kinds of transportation.

I've learned that feeding my son's natural passions makes him more animated and happy. He can just keep playing with his blocks and mounting them in his toy tractor for a long time. I don't "force" him to do what I want anymore. I wait for his cues and engage him in conversations about what he loves.

Image from http://www.public-domain-photos.com/free-cliparts/signs_and_symbols/other/traffic_light_green_dan__01-7254.htm

New Moon and Melodramatic Daughters: The Twilight Saga from a Parent's Point of View

2009-11-21T11:45:00.001+08:00

By Justine C. Tajonera

I joined giddy tweeners and teenagers last Friday, lining up to watch the movie, New Moon. Like a lot of them, I also read the books. In fact, I have my own team: Team Edward. I've heard others have switched to Team Jacob because of Taylor Lautner's hot bod which deserves its own credit. I enjoyed the whole saccharine bit of the movie, not caring what the critics say.

Actually, I had a weird sensation of seeing myself enjoy the movie both as the young girl that I was and as the parent that I now am. You see, I was a melodramatic daughter. I loved drama. When I fell in love, I fell in love really hard. I actually remember being Bella: all earnest heartache, all reckless emotion. I was the kind of daughter who rebelled over love (or what my parents must have called "puppy love"). It sounds funny now. But it wasn't funny then. Nope. It meant the world to me.

So, I actually invite parents who are skeptical over the books and the movie to consider entering their daughter's world. You have no idea what might be going on. Any kind of emotion that your child is going through is serious business for her. Consider that she puts her whole heart into something. But what does she know, right? She doesn't know what the world's like. She has no idea that what she's feeling is just infatuation or the pale shadow of what we know is real love. But she doesn't know that.

The books and the movie are popular. That can't be denied. Is it good for your kids? You might disagree. But what you can do is enter your daughter's world. You might have the best of intentions. You might be protecting her for her own good. But you need to see it from her side, too.

I also saw myself as either Edward's or Jacob's mom. Actually, as early as now, I worry over what kind of gentleman my son turns out to be. Even at almost three years old, he is as Bella called Jacob, beautiful. When he grows up, he will break a few hearts just by walking down the street. Because I've been Bella, I worry over the girls who will love him. It's a happy problem, really, because my son is the sweetest thing. I want to raise a boy who will know how to love and respect women. I want to raise a boy who will love with all his heart and treat girls graciously: the pretty ones, the plain ones, the ones who are audacious and the ones who are shy, the reserved ones and the melodramatic ones.

So, while you might think New Moon is all hype and Dear Diary trash, please be curious and take the time to watch it. If only only to enter the world of your children and see what's going on: their earnest yearnings, their repressions, their ideas about love, their heartbreaking choices, their funny questions, their weird logic.

(Nov. 21, 2009)

Badger and Charlie Bird: Engaging Your Child On All Levels

2009-11-19T17:57:00.001+08:00

by Justine C. Tajonera

Lately, we've gotten sick of listening to Badger's CD, "Charlie Bird Counts to the Beat." He got it as a gift from his Tita Ines. It was part of a set: a lovely and colorful board book and an accompanying music CD. It's under this book series called "Baby Loves Jazz." We got it a long time ago but we never really appreciated it until now since Badger can already talk.

He loves it to death. He counts to it and he kind of sings to it (in his cute off key way). I couldn't believe that he actually loves the jazz beat. After countless road trips listening to Barney, it was refreshing to hear something different (and something that an adult could appreciate as well). The thing with our toddler is he loves repetition. He can't get enough of Charlie Bird.

I would recommend the whole set up to other parents: interact with your kids on different levels. What's nice about Charlie Bird is that there's a book that he can refer to so he sees different colors and animals and then there's the jazz beat that he can hear and relate to each picture in the book. That way, he's fully engaged. It's also great that the numbers are also spelled out so now he's interested in the way the numbers are spelled and it's going to lead him to his first reading forays one of these days.

Image from http://www.friendshiphouse.com

Badger's New Craze: Purble Place

2009-10-20T14:34:00.000+08:00

This game comes free with Windows Vista. Badger really loves it. There are three games in Purble Place:

Comfy Cakes - Badger liked assembling cakes based on a picture order. It helps him follow instructions. He's great at it. And he even cheers for himself when he gets a cake delivered.
Purble Pairs - is a simple memory game. Badger does trial and error here but I'm really amazed at how he remembers where the right pictures are.
Purble Shop - this is a game of logic and recognition. Badger's goal is to guess the right features of the character hiding behind the curtain based on previous choices. By using logic, he can guess what other features are missing. According to Vier, Badger was able to guess correctly with just a few tries the first time he played it.

Aside from Starfall, Badger likes this playing this computer-based game. It's still fresh for him and it's pretty challenging. After a while he might get bored, though, because it's PC installed and not a game that keeps adapting (unlike the Starfall website). It's a great teaching aid because it's so much fun.

I just make sure to be with him while he plays so that he can share the game with me and it becomes more interactive as I cheer him on or when he asks for my help.

(Oct. 20, 2009)

Our Favorite Counting Activity: Kisses!

2009-10-13T22:00:00.000+08:00

By Justine C. Tajonera

I discovered a wonderful way to practice counting with Badger. We count kisses. When he asks me for something like a toy or "mamam" (nursing), I ask him to say "please" first and I ask for x number of kisses.

We do a countdown until the last kiss. I hold up my fingers and he says the number. It's a great way for us to bond and a lovely way to watch him practice his counting skills.

It's amazing how much progress he's made over the months. I really treasure every moment I get a sloppy kiss from Badger. He's growing up so fast.

(Oct. 13, 2009)

Badger's Top 15 Favorite Things

2009-10-11T23:00:00.001+08:00

I've never taken the time before to actually do this. So, before the opportunity passes by, I'm recording Badger's top 15 favorite things at 2 years old and 10 months. This is not in any order:

1. Race cars (he has six Shell Ferrari toy cars from his dad. He's very creative with them... like he creates traffic jams and improvises gasoline stations)
2. Swimming (no matter the weather)
3. Jollibee
4. McDo
5. Potchi (gummy candies, he can also dance to the TV ad jingle)
6. Pizza
7. Pancakes
8. Hot dog
9. Baby Einstein videos
10. Finding Nemo (he can watch this over and over and over again)
11. Barney
12. Chupachups Lollipops
13. Mamam (nursing from mommy)
14. Mommy's cellphone (for the camera and the Snakes game)
15. Puppy (Taco Bell stuffed toy puppy given by Tita Aling)

This list will keep changing as he grows. But I'm glad we took notice of all these things. One day, we'll look back and laugh at how obsessed he was over these favorites. In the meantime, I enjoy every day that I'm with this amazing little boy. He never ceases to teach me new things.

Breastfeeding and Calamities

2009-09-28T09:53:00.001+08:00

by Justine C. Tajonera

I just recently read a blog post by Mommy Mec of LATCH (Lactation, Attachment, Training, Counseling, Help) regarding the importance of breastfeeding especially during natural disasters.

Breastfeeding has a lot of benefits, but these are much more emphasized during emergencies. According to a UN News Report on Breastfeeding, babies and small children are particularly at risk for diarrhea, pneumonia and under-nutrition during natural disaters. “The life-saving role [of breastfeeding] during emergencies is firmly supported by evidence and guidance,” WHO Director-General Margaret Chan said in the news report.

Read here also a blog report on the Chinese police officer who became a national and international hero after she breastfed nine infants after an earthquake.

Breastfeeding ensures that a child is getting proper nutrition without the need for sterilized bottles or water. No matter what the situation, breast milk is at the proper temperature, is clean, safe and provides the child with immunological benefits and probiotics. Not only is it good for the child's health, breastfeeding calms down a child and provides him or her a safe haven during such a stressful time.

Let's promote breastfeeding in the Philippines, ensuring our children's health on regular days and most especially, during disasters and natural calamities.

Acknowledging the picture source here. The picture is of heroic Chinese police officer Jiang Xiaojuan breastfeeding an infant who was separated from her parents.

Making the Most of Hospitalization

2009-09-22T22:56:00.001+08:00

By Justine C. Tajonera

Last Sept. 15, Badger accidentally ingested nail polish remover. I only knew because he started vomiting. It was one of my worst moments as a parent. I felt like a headless chicken, all panicky and disoriented. It's a good thing Vier is always so clear headed and calm. He asked me to call our pedia who immediately advised us to get him to the ER. The doctor in the ER called up the Poison Control Center and recommended that we admit him for observation.

We had him admitted. The worst part, for me, was the whole dextrose process because he wasn't allowed to drink or eat for 24 hours. The nurses had to stick needles into both his hands because Badger was violently fighting them off. It was so painful to hold Badger while he begged us to take off the needle and the tube.

Badger was finally released the following day, Sept. 16. Here are some things that I observed that helped me and Vier make the most of Badger's hospitalization:

1. Always keep a calm disposition. Even though your blood pressure is rising because it's the nth time that the nurse is finding your child's vein. I realized that it would help no one if I scolded or got angry. I made sure that I did not react emotionally to anything that the hospital staff was doing but rather, rationally. Also, don't waste beating yourself up over what happened. What happened happened. And then move forward.

2. Take advantage of a tag team. I realized that I was able to cope better because Vier and I made sure to get all the help we needed so that neither of us were harassed. I would attend to the Philhealth papers while Vier accompanied Badger to the hospital room. I would take care of the paper work at the cashier while Vier talked to the ER resident.

3. Be assertive and get full explanations for any recommendations. Just because the hospital is recommending something, it doesn't mean that we have to take everything hook, line and sinker. We talked to both our pediatrician and the assigned doctor. We decided to go with the initial recommendation to admit him overnight but when the doctor advised us that we needed to keep him in the hospital for another 24 hours, we disagreed. He had already stabilized and he was suffering more from the IV than from his stomach. So, we signed a waiver, got instructions for his diet and bought his follow-up medicine.

4. Be firm but compassionate with your child. As parents, we knew that he had to be admitted. No matter how hard he fought it, we had to help the nurses insert the IV into his vein. Badger was so angry, confused and frustrated. All I could do was show him how much I loved him. I would hug him and try to divert his attention from his constant requests to take off the IV. We would read him stories, tell him jokes, sing to him, play games with him and surprise him with inexpensive toys (like the gag glasses in the picture).

As parents, there will always be the possibility that our children will be admitted to the hospital. To help cope with this situation, I would recommend: always keeping calm, taking advantage of a tag team with your partner or family members, asserting your right as parents and getting full explanations for all recommendations and being firm but loving and compassionate with your child during such a trying time.

See my poem about Badger's hospitalization: Pinprick

A Field Trip to Pansol and Calamba, Laguna

2009-09-12T19:22:00.000+08:00

By Justine C. Tajonera

Kids learn not only from books and lessons at home. Going to new places and seeing new things greatly stimulate their inborn love for learning, no matter what their learning style is.

A great itinerary for busy parents is a trip out of town, not too far from Manila. Why not go south-bound and check out the treasures in Laguna?

Pansol, Laguna has a lot of private pools that are filled with hot spring water. So even during this rainy season, you can be assured of "nginig-proof" swimming pleasure whatever time of the night or morning it is. An overnight stay could cost as low as P2K or as high as P8K depending on the number of people who are staying at the rental.

On the way home, stop by the Rizal Shrine in Calamba. You'll see a rebuilt replica of Rizal's first home (bahay na bato) and you'll see some really interesting sights from his childhood. There's an Audio-Video area where they play a Rizal documentary. Your kids will be fascinated with the contraptions of the Spanish colonization era and you can treat them to an impromptu history lesson. In the yard, there will be a bahay kubo where your kids can have their picture taken and there's also a bronze statue of Jose Rizal as a child with his dog, Syria.

Check out my poem: The Childhood of a Hero
Check out the pictures from our trip

A Trip to the Secondhand Bookstore

2009-09-02T22:51:00.001+08:00

By Justine C. Tajonera

It was wonderful to plan an afternoon adventure with my toddler. After his afternoon nap, I asked him if he wanted to take a walk. He already knows how exciting it is to walk the dog (our Dalmatian, Sparta) so he didn't hesitate with his "Yes!!!"

Together with Yaya, Badger and I walked from the house to Roces Avenue and climbed up to the second floor of the building where Chocolate Kiss is and rang the doorbell to "Books for Less." Badger went nuts choosing from all the books on display. We sat on a little table and laid out all his choices. Of course, Mommy had the veto right. We wanted a couple of Dr. Seuss books but one of them was too vandalized and the other one had musical notes which I wasn't sure Badger would be able to appreciate. We finally settled on four books: a biblical re-telling of The Prodigal Son, titled The Lost Son (he liked it because you can literally pull out the "son" from the cover and it acts like a bookmark), Alpabetong Pinoy (published by Adarna House and first spotted on the July issue of Smart Parenting), Tight Times (in both English and Filipino, also published by Adarna House), and his favorite of the batch, Fuzzy Yellow Ducklings, a touch-and-read book which he absolutely adored because of all the textures and colors on each page.

So, we not only got to exercise (around 300 meters worth of walking), but we also got to save a lot of money and discovered new things that Badger liked! His book preference really demonstrated to me how Badger is so kinesthetic or tactile in his learning style.

After thirty minutes of book browsing, we capped our afternoon with Baked Potato, iced tea and a slice of carrot cake.

For more information on learning styles, check out Learning Styles Online.

Teaching Badger at Home

2009-08-21T19:08:00.006+08:00

I started finding ways to teach Badger at home ever since Badger was evaluated as speech delayed last January. Everyone kept telling me that it's okay because "boys are usually late to talk." But I didn't see the harm in giving it our best shot. Because I was busy at work and Vier was busy with our business ventures, we enrolled him in occupational therapy (OT) and we pitched in based on suggestions from his teacher. Badger would still attempt to talk but we still couldn't make sense of what he was saying. It was hard to get him a slot with a speech therapist so we just continued with his OT. I discovered a free website resource for home schooling and teaching speech and reading to toddlers, starfall.com. It was a really great way to interact with Badger. He became adept at using a mouse and he would squeal with delight whenever he saw a new letter and played an online game.

Last April I had an ectopic pregnancy. It was a sad and traumatic experience for me but my maternity leave gave me two months to just concentrate on Badger. I even explored youtube videos on speech therapy strategies and attempted some of the activities with Badger. Then, something magical happened. During a friend's birthday party, Badger became antsy because it was getting late so I tried to play a game with him. I would say each letter of the alphabet and wait to see if he would follow. And he did! Right up to his funny pronunciation of "z." I wanted to cry. All my friends were amazed at how he was just going on and on. It was as if all the sessions with starfall and all my crude speech therapy attempts with him came together and something clicked. He was saying the alphabet! It was also wonderful that he could also identify each letter that he was saying because of his OT classes.

I was awed by what a little more time and a lot of love could do. I now believe that homeschooling is something that I should aim to do when he is ready for nursery.

Mother's Day

2007-05-19T12:10:00.001+08:00

Mother's Day
by Justine C. Tajonera

Your father and I
discovered your budding teeth
while eating crabs on a Sunday.

Time stopped for me
as I counted back
all your goofy,
toothless grins.

I wanted to slow
down
and memorize
every one of them.

Do you know that
I bring your drowsy eyes
and sweet, milky breath
with me
every day
that I plod to work?

Though I can't wait
for you to call for me
by name,
I want to bask
in this quiet smile
of yours.

Wait a while for me,
dearest one.
Hold my hand
a bit longer.

May 13, 2007

Please Welcome... Gabriel Andrinor "Badger" Camacho Tajonera

2006-09-11T09:39:00.000+08:00

This is him! This is Badger. This is his cutest picture so far. We just got it last Saturday after our 4D Ultrasound at Fort Med.

I'm so excited to hold him already!

Family Reunion at Pasadena

2006-02-03T09:34:00.000+08:00

And the whole gang's here too!

Family Reunion at Simi Valley

2006-02-03T09:26:00.000+08:00

The whole gang's here.

Pancakes in the Mojave Desert

2006-02-03T08:46:00.000+08:00

This was during our West Coast adventure. We had a long road trip to Arizona and passed by this place in the Mojave Desert. It was quaint, old-fashioned and served buckwheat pancakes with boysenberry syrup.

Shanghai 1930's

2005-12-23T16:29:00.000+08:00

Someone commented that my bridal look was Shanghai 1930's. And how right he was. Looked through some vintage posters from the era and surprise, surprise! The timeline was right and my chinita face brought in the Shanghai touch. I was just lacking that feather boa...

A smaller table arrangement & the menu

2005-12-01T08:31:00.000+08:00

This is another example of how one of the smaller tables was set up (picture is of us with my dad, family friends from Cebu: Tita Jing, her daughters Mariles and Merche, my sister, my brother and my sister's boyfriend, Carl). One of the difficulties we had was putting together table arrangements. We had tables that were originally set for two (Cafe Ysabel is a date place after all) which we had to increase to three. We also had to put together tables downstairs to accommodate large groups of friends. If you notice, the menu (in beige colored paper) was simply propped against the centerpiece. Nothing fancy but it served its purpose. Our reception sit down dinner was lovely: lobster bisque, Ceasar salad, Chicken Alfonso (stuffed chicken) served with Fetuccine Alfredo and a hot & cold dessert (apple crisp and heavenly panna cotta).

Simple centerpieces and colorful plates

2005-12-01T08:12:00.000+08:00

This is a picture of the lovely centerpieces that my florist came up with for the reception. He combined simple floral arrangements with candle lamps (here, elevated for the principal sponsors table) to highlight the antique feel of Cafe Ysabel. You will also notice that Cafe Ysabel made the table arrangements look appetizing already by pouring the olive oil and black vinegar dip for the appetizer bread on all the plates prior to any serving.

The Caramel Area

2005-12-01T08:03:00.000+08:00

This is a picture with friends at the lower part of the restaurant. I wish we could have had the wedding in just one floor but we really needed the whole restaurant given the number of guests. We solved the problem by having all the traditionals (bouquet tossing, cake cutting, speeches, etc.) in the courtyard at the beginning of the reception so that everyone could be there (though, we had to serve pink lemonade to combat the heat). We then split our time after dinner visiting tables and having our pictures taken both upstairs in the Chocolate area and downstairs in the Caramel area.

Down the stairs of Cafe Ysabel

2005-10-27T08:50:00.000+08:00

This is one of my favorite pictures as well. It has a fairytale, old-world feel to it.

2005-06-02T23:22:00.000+08:00

A good laugh.

2005-06-02T22:46:00.000+08:00

An image of fellowship...

2005-06-02T22:42:00.000+08:00

Okay, that's my train they're playing with. :)

2005-06-02T22:38:00.000+08:00

Running through a shower of petals

2005-06-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

A moment

2005-06-02T22:35:00.000+08:00

Me and the girls (my maid of honor and my secondary sponsors)

2005-06-02T22:30:00.000+08:00

Getting ready

2005-06-02T08:40:00.000+08:00

We're married!

2005-06-02T08:18:00.000+08:00

My bouquet

Announcing the Rehearsal

2005-04-07T11:42:00.000+08:00

Dear Entourage and Everyone with a part in the wedding,
We have a rehearsal scheduled!
When: April 21, 2005 (Thursday), 4:00 p.m., we are only allowed an hour
Where: Mary the Queen Parish Church, Madison St., Greenhills West, San Juan (in between ICA and Xavier).

A simple dinner will follow in the front yard of Vier's house
#28 Dr. Lazcano St., Scout Area, Laging Handa, Q.C.
Directions: Take Kamuning, turn right to Tomas Morato, turn left at the corner where Alfredo's steak house is. Keep going straight until you hit # 28, green gate with yellow daffodils growing in the yard.

See you!

More resources for a 1930's look

2005-03-16T07:21:00.000+08:00

The 1930's Vintage wedding theme started with our discovery that Cafe Ysabel was built in 1927. We sealed the deal when we found a 1932 Studebaker to be my bridal car. And little by little, some friends were getting excited with actually coming to the wedding in 1930's get-ups. So, as suggested by one of my wedding guests, a good friend, Gladys, I've posted some 1930's photos for inspiration.

Here are more resources to check out 1930's fashion and style:
- Watch "Aviator" (that was set in the 1930's, watch out for Katharine Hepburn played by Cate Blanchett and Ava Gardner played by Kate Beckinsale)
- log on to http://grapefruitmoongallery.com. This site has black & white photos, fine art and even vintage advertising art which depicts the 1920's and 1930's.
- Check out actual clippings from a 1934 Sears Catalog: http://www.costumes.org/history/100pages/1934sears.htm
- See some real 1930's evening dresses that would look great today: http://www.gbacg.org/30seveningdress.htm

Anyway, for the ladies, you can come in 2005 formal attire. The 1930's look is optional but would look just great with the backdrop of Cafe Ysabel and the Studebaker. And for our gentlemen guests, there's the traditional barong which was the norm back in the 1930's.

2005-03-16T07:19:00.000+08:00

Here's another 1920's-1930's icon, Billie Burke. She played the "Good Witch" in The Wizard of Oz in 1939.

2005-03-16T07:18:00.000+08:00

Here's a 1930's painting (Flower of the Orient by Howard Connolly) which depicts the fashion and look of the time.

2005-03-13T19:36:00.000+08:00

Prenuptial shot: Holding hands at Cafe Ysabel. We may be at the very table, by the window, where we had one of our first dates.

2005-03-13T19:34:00.000+08:00

Prenuptial shot: Fooling around by the staircase.

2005-03-13T19:33:00.000+08:00

Prenuptial shot: By the Bridal Car and Cafe Ysabel.

2005-03-13T19:32:00.000+08:00

Prenuptial shot: Mussing up Vier's hair.

2005-03-13T19:31:00.000+08:00

Prenuptial shot: By the car window.

2005-03-13T19:29:00.000+08:00

Prenuptial shot: Fooling around over the Studebaker.

2005-02-27T12:08:00.000+08:00

This shot has the wrong light. But this is another test make-up shot, this time with the earrings I'll wear on my wedding day.

2005-02-27T12:06:00.000+08:00

Don't mind the kalat in the background. This is a test make-up shot.

2005-02-27T11:47:00.000+08:00

In this photograph, we are inside the 1932 Studebaker which we will use on our wedding day.

2005-02-27T11:46:00.000+08:00

A pre-view of our pre-nuptial photographs. We are posing at the entrance of Cafe Ysabel, here.

2005-02-07T19:06:00.000+08:00

My mom's butterfly painting on top of the rubberwood dresser.

2005-02-07T19:05:00.000+08:00

My mom's three paintings against our egg brown walls: two baskets and one house against blue background.

2005-02-07T19:04:00.000+08:00

My mom's paintings and our new "kacha" curtains.

2004-12-05T18:26:00.000+08:00

My side of the bed. Hehe.

2004-12-05T18:24:00.000+08:00

Peekaboo: the toilet from the walk-in closet.

2004-12-05T18:23:00.000+08:00

Vier's multimedia set-up: PC and TV all very accessible.

2004-12-05T18:22:00.000+08:00

Update on renovation: My new rubberwood dresser. Quaint! I hope I can fit all my kikay stuff on it.

2004-12-02T07:50:00.000+08:00

A portrait by Tamara de Lempicka from the 1930's. Inspiration for our vintage wedding. Of course, I won't fit into the dress nor will it flatter my figure. However, I'm just revelling in this newly found art movement called Art Deco which is so 1930's.

2004-11-13T18:11:00.001+08:00

A view of Mary the Queen interiors.

2004-11-13T18:11:00.000+08:00

Me at the entrance of Cafe Ysabel.

2004-11-13T18:10:00.000+08:00

A view of Cafe Ysabel (with Vier).

2004-11-13T18:09:00.000+08:00

At the bottom of a picturesque flight of stairs (Cafe Ysabel).

2004-11-13T18:08:00.000+08:00

A view of Cafe Ysabel (the house was built in 1927).

2004-11-13T17:52:00.000+08:00

With just the wall lamps on.

2004-11-13T17:50:00.000+08:00

Our egg-knob with character.

2004-11-13T17:49:00.000+08:00

Renovation update: our egg-brown wall and shelves!

Cafe Ysabel, 1927: A new take on my wedding theme

2004-11-04T18:58:00.000+08:00

Recently, I've taken an interest in the vintage wedding theme. It was partly inspired by the lovely antique feel of Cafe Ysabel and the way I've always loved the architecture of Cafe Ysabel with its lace-like woodwork. Vier asked Gene when the house was built and he said: 1927. Wow! I researched on the period and I got so excited. The music of the time was Dixieland Jazz! The reigning artists were Louie Armstrong, Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday and Duke Ellington. The craze was Art Deco and the inspiration of the decade was Paris. Just perfect. Of course I won't go as far as having my bridesmaids wear flapper dresses. I'm not sure if women in the Philippines ever took to that fashion mode, anyway. My wedding dress will still have lace (which was still a popular material all the way to the 1930's). I'm so excited. :)

Love-Song

2004-09-23T09:35:00.000+08:00

One of my favorite love poems is copied below. This particular translation I love. I post it here in celebration of my continuing love story and all the love stories that hold the world together.

LOVE SONG
by Rainer Maria Rilke

How shall I hold my soul, that it may not
be touching yours? How shall I lift it then
above you to where other things are waiting?
Ah, gladly would I lodge it, all-forgot
with some lost thing the dark is isolating
on some remote and silent spot that, when
your depths vibrate, is not itself vibrating.

You and me — all that lights upon us, though
brings us together like a fiddle-bow
drawing one voice from two strings it glides along.
Across what instrument have we been spanned?
And what violinist holds us in his hand?
O sweetest song.

2004-09-14T12:13:00.000+08:00

V's baby pic. I simply adore this one.

Rilke's Seventh Letter

2004-09-07T18:08:00.000+08:00

Below is my favorite letter from Rainer Maria Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet." I first read this in my third year of college for a Philosophy class and it made a great impression on me. It has shaped my own view of love in the same manner that reading "A Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck also radically changed how I view relationships.

I think it greatly helps in meditating on marriage. To marry someone is to trust in the difficult. To love in the authentic sense. To love for the long haul.

Letter Seven
Rome May 14, 1904

My dear Mr. Kappus,

Much time has passed since I received your last letter. Please don't hold that against me; first it was work, then a number of interruptions, and finally poor health that again and again kept me from answering, because I wanted my answer to come to you out of peaceful and happy days. Now I feel somewhat better again (the beginning of spring with its moody, bad-tempered transitions was hard to bear here too) and once again, dear Mr. Kappus, I can greet you and talk to you (which I do with real pleasure) about this and that in response to your letter, as well as I can.

You see: I have copied out your sonnet, * because I found that it is lovely and simple born in the shape that it moves in with such quiet decorum. It is the best poem of yours that you have let me read. And now I am giving you this copy because I know that it is important and full of new experience to rediscover a work of one's own in someone else's handwriting. Read the poem as if you had never seen it before, and you will feel in your innermost being how very much it is your own.

It was a pleasure for me to read this sonnet and your letter, often; I thank you for both.
And you should not let yourself be confused in your solitude by the fact that there is something in you that wants to move out of it. This very wish, if you use it calmly and prudently and like a tool, will help you spread out your solitude over a great distance. Most people have (with the help of conventions) turned their solutions toward what is easy and toward the easiest side of the easy; but it is clear that we must trust in what is difficult; everything alive trusts in it, everything in Nature grows and defends itself any way it can and is spontaneously itself, tries to be itself at all costs and against all opposition. We know little, but that we must trust in what is difficult is a certainty that will never abandon us; it is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be one more reason for us to do it.

It is also good to love: because love is difficult. For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation. That is why young people, who are beginners in everything, are not yet capable of love: it is something they must learn. With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered around their solitary, anxious, upward-beating heart, they must learn to love. But learning-time is always a long, secluded time ahead and far on into life, is - ; solitude, a heightened and deepened kind of aloneness for the person who loves. Loving does not at first mean merging, surrendering, and uniting with another person (for what would a union be of two people who are unclarified, unfinished, and still incoherent - ?), it is a high inducement for the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world in himself for the sake of another person; it is a great, demanding claim on him, something that chooses him and calls him to vast distances. Only in this sense, as the task of working on themselves ("to hearken and to hammer day and night"), may young people use the love that is given to them. Merging and surrendering and every kind of communion is not for them (who must still, for a long, long time, save and gather themselves); it is the ultimate, is perhaps that for which human lives are as yet barely large enough.

But this is what young people are so often and so disastrously wrong in doing they (who by their very nature are impatient) fling themselves at each other when love takes hold of them, they scatter themselves, just as they are, in all their messiness, disorder, bewilderment. . . . : And what can happen then? What can life do with this heap of half-broken things that they call their communion and that they would like to call their happiness, if that were possible, and their future? And so each of them loses himself for the sake of the other person, and loses the other, and many others who still wanted to come. And loses the vast distances and possibilities, gives up the approaching and fleeing of gentle, prescient Things in exchange for an unfruitful confusion, out of which nothing more can come; nothing but a bit of disgust, disappointment, and poverty, and the escape into one of the many conventions that have been put up in great numbers like public shelters on this most dangerous road. No area of human experience is so extensively provided with conventions as this one is: there are live-preservers of the most varied invention, boats and water wings; society has been able to create refuges of very sort, for since it preferred to take love-life as an amusement, it also had to give it an easy form, cheap, safe, and sure, as public amusements are.

It is true that many young people who love falsely, i.e., simply surrendering themselves and giving up their solitude (the average person will of course always go on doing that - ), feel oppressed by their failure and want to make the situation they have landed in livable and fruitful in their own, personal way -. For their nature tells them that the questions of love, even more than everything else that is important, cannot be resolved publicly and according to this or that agreement; that they are questions, intimate questions from one human being to another, which in any case require a new, special, wholly personal answer -. But how can they, who have already flung themselves together and can no longer tell whose outlines are whose, who thus no longer possess anything of their won, how can they find a way out of themselves, out of the depths of their already buried solitude?

They act out of mutual helplessness, and then if, whit the best of intentions, they try to escape the conventions that is approaching them (marriage, for example), they fall into the clutches of some less obvious but just as deadly conventional solution. For then everything around them is - convention. Wherever people act out of a prematurely fused, muddy communion, every action is conventional: every relation that such confusion leads to has its own convention, however unusual (i.e., in the ordinary sense immoral) it may be; even separating would be a conventional step, an impersonal, accidental decision without strength and without fruit.

Whoever looks seriously will find that neither for death, which is difficult, nor for difficult love has any clarification, any solution, any hint of a path been perceived; and for both these tasks, which we carry wrapped up and hand on without opening, there is not general, agreed-upon rule that can be discovered. But in the same measure in which we begin to test life as individuals, these great Things will come to meet us, the individuals, with greater intimacy. The claims that the difficult work of love makes upon our development are greater than life, and we, as beginners, are not equal to them. But if we nevertheless endure and take this love upon us as burden and apprenticeship, instead of losing ourselves in the whole easy and frivolous game behind which people have hidden from the most solemn solemnity of their being, - then a small advance and a lightening will perhaps be perceptible to those who come long after us. That would be much.

We are only just now beginning to consider the relation of one individual to a second individual objectively and without prejudice, and our attempts to live such relationships have no model before them. And yet in the changes that time has brought about there are already many things that can help our timid novitiate.

The girl and the woman, in their new, individual unfolding, will only in passing be imitators of male behavior and misbehavior and repeaters of male professions. After the uncertainty of such transitions, it will become obvious that women were going through the abundance and variation of those (often ridiculous) disguises just so that they could purify their own essential nature and wash out the deforming influences of the other sex. Women, in whom life lingers and dwells more immediately, more fruitfully, and more confidently, must surely have become riper and more human in their depths than light, easygoing man, who is not pulled down beneath the surface of life by the weight of any bodily fruit and who, arrogant and hasty, undervalues what he thinks he loves. This humanity of woman, carried in her womb through all her suffering and humiliation, will come to light when she has stripped off the conventions of mere femaleness in the transformations of her outward status, and those men who do not yet feel it approaching will be astonished by it. Someday (and even now, especially in the countries of northern Europe, trustworthy signs are already speaking and shining), someday there will be girls and women whose name will no longer mean the mere opposite of the male, but something in itself, something that makes one think not of any complement and limit, but only life and reality: the female human being.

This advance (at first very much against the will of the outdistanced men) will transform the love experience, which is now filled with error, will change it from the ground up, and reshape it into a relationship that is meant to be between one human being and another, no longer one that flows from man to woman. And this more human love (which will fulfill itself with infinite consideration and gentleness, and kindness and clarity in binding and releasing) will resemble what we are now preparing painfully and with great struggle: the love that consists in this: the two solitudes protect and border and greet each other.

And one more thing: Don't think that the great love which was once granted to you, when you were a boy, has been lost; how can you know whether vast and generous wishes didn't ripen in you at that time, and purposes by which you are still living today? I believe that that love remains strong and intense in your memory because it was your first deep aloneness and the first inner work that you did on your life.

- All good wished to you, dear Mr. Kappus!

Yours, Rainer Maria Rilke

2004-08-17T21:49:00.000+08:00

Vier and I at a wedding reception in Mandarin Oriental.

On Marriage

2004-08-06T08:44:00.000+08:00

A quotation from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

Then Almitra spoke again and said, And what of Marriage, master?
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness.And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

2004-07-26T07:56:00.000+08:00

Seesaw Fun at Tagaytay.

2004-07-20T11:22:00.000+08:00

I love the neatness of this dress plus the way the lace is also incorporated.

2004-07-20T11:21:00.000+08:00

This is very pretty and Asian. It's by a designer that I'm beginning to admire.

2004-07-20T11:20:00.000+08:00

I doubt I'll fit into this... but it's gorgeous.

2004-07-20T11:19:00.000+08:00

Another gown after my own heart.

2004-07-20T11:09:00.000+08:00

Wedding dress that I'd like to pattern mine after.

Water into Wine: Attending a Pre-Cana Seminar

2004-07-20T10:36:00.000+08:00

Vand I just attended a Pre-Cana Marriage Seminar. It was extremely helpful, especially because we learned new skills together which will help us communicate better in the future. Also, I really appreciated the counselling per couple during the Marriage Expectations Inventory and Genogram activities. I think it was good that our discussions, as a couple, were guided.

All in all, the seminar helped us find ways to understand and love each other more. More than that, it also put our marriage in the context of a larger perspective: our country, the body of the Church and our ultimate destinies. I don't think it made us re-think our decision to marry. Rather, it reinforced our decision.

I liked our counsellor's suggestion for us to come up with a family (or couple) mission statement. It will help us define what we stand for and it will articulate our common goal or dream.

Towards the end of the seminar, Fr. Ted, one of the facilitators, read the passage on the Wedding at Cana. It was Jesus' first miracle and it happened to be at a wedding. The image of water turning into wine is a powerful one. For me, the miracle is a metaphor for marriage: you can take something as ordinary as empty clay jugs, fill it up with a basic element like water, but if you put in faith and love, you will have a source of spirit and celebration. And not just any kind of wine. The best kind.

Pamanhikan Memoirs

2004-07-05T11:34:00.000+08:00

Venue: My house at R. Alvero St.
Hosts: My family

Guest List:
Tita Star
Eins, Chris and daughter Sabrina
Zwei and Tin-Tin
Drei, Yeng and kids: Thea, Miggy and Matthew
V of course
Funfy
Manong Paul (visiting Popi, our resident niece)

Menu:
Starters - Chicken and Asparagus Soup
2 Course Meal -
Naty's famous Bihon
Super Sarap Dry Adobo
Served with red rice
Desserts (mostly brought by V's family)-
Leche Flan
My favorite Coffee Crunch Cake from Red Ribbon
Pandan Cake
3 Gallons of Ice Cream (Pistachio, Cheese and Rocky Road)
Served with Coffee
Drinks -
Choice of Coke and Coke Light

Give-aways:
A Box of Bacolod Goodies

That's All

2004-06-28T09:54:00.000+08:00

I can only give ya love that lasts forever
And the promise to be near each time you call
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone
That's all … that's all.

I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall
And a love who’s burnin’ light
Will warm the winter night.
That's all … that's all.

There are those I am sure who have told you
They would give you the world for a toy
All I have are these arms to enfold you
And a love time can never destroy.

If you're wonderin’ what I'm askin’ in return, dear
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small
Say it's me that you'll adore
For now and evermore
That's all … that's all.

Scat singing …

There are those I am sure who have told you
They would give you the world for a toy
All I have are these arms to enfold you
And a love time can never destroy.

If you're wonderin’ what I'm askin’ in return, dear
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small
Say it's me that you'll adore
Yeah … it’s me that that you’ll adore
For now and evermore

That's all … that's all.

Some Initial Details

2004-06-28T09:25:00.000+08:00

Some initial details:

Wedding Ceremony: Mary the Queen Church, San Juan, Pasig City
Reception: Cafe Ysabel

Motif: Old spanish lace and tea roses

Small and intimate gathering of all our close friends and family members, good food and old 50's songs (like "That's All" and staple Sinatra) playing in the background.

Vier's Proposal

2004-06-28T09:08:00.000+08:00

He proposed last Feb. 14, 2004, after dinner at Balai, Batangas. That was the same place we went to during the Lenten season in 2003, after which, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

He told me he was getting his cigar in his room. When he came back I asked him if I could try his cigar. We sat by the table with magazines and books. Everyone else was still having dinner at the long table.

As we sat together, he removed the paper band from the cigar and said, "Will you marry me?" Without missing a beat, I said yes. This wasn't the first time he brought it up. Then he said, "Will you wear this ring while you're waiting for the real one?" I said yes. And since at this point I really didn't think that a real proposal was forthcoming, I kidded him and said, "Hon, do I have to wear it every day? Baka it might get wet or 'punit'. Can I put it in my journal instead?" He laughed at that and said, "Hon, thank you for accepting the paper ring. Since you accepted the paper version, I'm sure you'll accept the real one." At that, I gasped. He drew out a black box from his pocket and presented it to me. I said, "What's that?" and he said, "Open it and you'll see." I felt dazed and disoriented. When I opened it, I saw the ring. "Oh my God!" was all I could say. I asked him if we could tell the others but he said to call my Dad first. I called him. That was when I started crying. It hit me that I was actually engaged to be married to this wonderful guy. He spoke to Vier for a while and then we called a his Mom and couple of friends. His sister, Eins, also called. Actually, the whole day his Mom and his sister were calling him to ask if he had already proposed.

It was unforgettable.

2004-06-18T01:48:00.001+08:00

At Chris and Prixie's wedding.

2004-06-18T01:48:00.000+08:00

On our way to a wedding.

2004-06-18T01:43:00.000+08:00

Two bucos, me, Vier last April in Boracay

2004-06-18T01:26:00.000+08:00

The day after the proposal. All smiles.

2004-06-18T01:25:00.001+08:00

Right after the proposal. Notice JT on the right, totally unaware of what had just transpired.

2004-06-18T01:25:00.000+08:00

Calling Dad right after Vier proposed.